There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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