ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
