Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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