oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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