My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
