This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
