WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
