I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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