I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
