you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
