so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
