ugly people sure do ruin things
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
