I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
