Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
