I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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