She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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