when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize