i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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