It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
