I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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