He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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