i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
