you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
