happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
