is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
