Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I look better un-naked...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
