do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
