We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my shit smells like andre
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
