it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
