I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
