3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
