well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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