After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
