your thong is hanging out like whoa
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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