dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
