i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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