I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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