would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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