he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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