im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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