It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
