So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mouth tastes like poor choices
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
