i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
