They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
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He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
this is an emotional support booty call
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Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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