no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
