I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
