remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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