I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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