I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
