I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want to make out with him forever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
