LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
