i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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