Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
