dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
