you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
