if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
