I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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