....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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