Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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