dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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