wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize