i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
