i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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