One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
