once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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