Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My nipple is on Facebook.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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