i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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