my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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