can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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