I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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