There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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