either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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