Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
