chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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