I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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