i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i came on her dog
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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