I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
