so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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