She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
