I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
