youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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