i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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