Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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